Experiments

Any good scientist will tell you that an experiment is as much about the things you learn during the experiment as the things you learn in the final outcome of the experiment. (Actually, I don’t know if this is true or not. I don’t actually know any good scientists, but it sounded like one of those kernels of wisdom that wiser folks like scientists often bat around.) Unfortunately, nobody told this to the judges of my 6th grade science fair, when I killed a bunch of lima bean seeds over the course of a month of “experimentation”. I learned a lot of things not to do to lima bean seeds if you want them to live, but my discoveries went unrewarded and my experiments were deemed “failures”. Sigh.

Given my difficult history with hard science and experiments in general, I have decided to take a loose approach with my children and their experiments. Luckily, no one is old enough to blow anything up yet, so I can afford to be blasé. I’m sure you parents of older kids are saying to yourselves, “Just you wait…”

So, today when Alden wanted to feed Kato, I said, “Sure!” knowing that #1 her hand is about as steady as a liferaft crossing the Bering Sea, #2 Kato has a tendency to forcefully grab anything in arm’s reach and shove it violently towards his mouth, #3 Matthew just cleaned the high chair, and #4 Kato was wearing the brand new custom-embroidered bib he received in the mail from Matthew’s mom.

And so Experiment #1 began.

Things actually didn’t go too badly. Kato seemed willing to eat, and Alden tried to be careful. However, her rapid-fire feeding technique soon proved to be too much for Kato (and his bib), and he looked to me for help.

The only way I could get Alden to slow down was to tell her to look at the camera right when she put the spoon in Kato’s mouth. I have about 32 pictures just like this one, each with the same concerned look on Kato’s face and varying amounts of food on his bib.

Though the bib and the floor suffered terribly, nothing was irreparably damaged, including Alden’s pride (of which, frankly, she has plenty). The experiment was considered a success. Kato might beg to differ.

Experiment #2 was more of an investigation. Thursday, Friday and Saturday of this week are Chestertown’s “Crazy Days,” in which all of the local stores put deeply discounted items out for sale on the sidewalks. It turns out that Eastern Shore Tents and Events, located just across the street from us, had SnoCones that were so deeply discounted they were free. Alden insisted on trying one.

She started out pretty disappointed at the size of it.

I must confess, I had secretly signaled the SnoCone girl behind Alden’s back to make it a small one. There’s only so much Blue Razzberry aftermath a mom can handle.

What I hadn’t understood was how frustrating eating a SnoCone can be if all of it sits well below the rim of the cone. While I was busy mugging for the camera, Alden was trying her best to figure out how to eat the damned thing.

She finally demanded my help.

I ended up having to mash up the SnoCone with my fingers and hand her bits of it. In between times, she would demand the SnoCone back, try to eat it and only get bits of paper cup, shove the SnoCone back at me, and roll over and pout on the steps. It took a long time, and thankfully used up a lot of her new influx of sugar power.

After all the ice was picked over/melted, she finally got to down the syrupy delight at the bottom of the cup. It was perhaps the only redeeming thing about the experience.

When I asked her how she liked her first SnoCone, she gave it the thumbs up.

Slightly disappointed, I suggested it might have been worth two thumbs up. She grudgingly agreed, but really, only grudgingly.

Experiment #3 has been a long time in the works. We have many members in our family, you see, and Kato is just starting to realize that he is only part of a complicated web of relationships. On the family totem pole, I am above Alden, Alden is above Lily, Lily is above Oscar, Iggy is usually above Oscar but sometimes below, Matthew is sometimes above Alden, but then sometimes he’s below Oscar, who, if you haven’t figured it out, is almost always pretty much down towards the bottom. Kato, being a relative non-entity until recently, is trying to jockey his way into the line-up in what I consider a pretty gentlemanly way – starting at the bottom.

Today he made several overtures to Oscar, hoping to establish a strong foundation with the lowest rung of the ladder. It’s a lot easier to move up the ladder when the folks you’re moving past are happy to help you up.

Things started out pretty well. Kato and Oscar shook hands, sized each other up, and Kato somehow convinced Oscar that he wasn’t that much of a threat.

They chatted awhile, and they were feeling pretty friendly. Unfortunately, Kato accidentally let slip that he hadn’t been neutered at his 6-month check up. Oscar was astounded.

“But they’re going to do it sometime, right?” Oscar asked, starting to feel a bit defensive.

Kato assured Oscar that there was no such talk at his appointment, and that, in fact, the doctor had had a look to make sure his parts were all still there.

“Hey man, we can still be friends, though, right?” Kato asked, hopefully.

Oscar wasn’t going to open the door on this one until he absolutely had to.

Oscar figures he’s just not going to deal with the little rat until he’s big enough to chase him around and pull on his tail. Until then, he’s not open for negotiations.

Kato is, after all, just a baby. And a baby is still easy to break, even for a castrated 13-year-old cat.

Experiment #3: Fail.