Books

In which math tests are taken, prom dates arranged, and conformity celebrated. Featuring superheroes, monsters, Beowulf, and a gigantic brassiere. Complex thematic backdrop incorporates hamsters, a vat of Cool Whip, Mother Goose, the 10 plagues of Egypt, Freud, and a baby with a meat cleaver.

In which the flaws of man are compared and contrasted to the merits of god; in which the flaws of god are compared and contrasted to the merits of man. In which the flaws of man and god are emphasized and the merits of both cast as a matter of serious doubt. Classical allusions made. Kierkegaard briefly mentioned.

This might be the perfect baby shower gift. The onesie reminds arrogant babies of their general inadequacy. The book helps new parents understand the merits of keeping their expectations low. They'll thank you for it!

In which a little girl makes a friend and does the boring, inconsequential, plot-deadening things that kids do. Not much happens. You'll love it! At least your kids will. Includes the following nouns: water heater, stomach, jet pack, Cousin Geoff, mole, toothbrush, egg salad, chocolates, monsters, pickles, octopus, pirates, rubber bands, dinosaurs, and umbrella. Also a few verbs.

This might be the perfect baby shower gift. The onesie helps new parents understand the difference between the front and back parts of the baby. The book helps build an appreciation for the fact that their darling child may lack certain skills at the outset. They'll thank you for it!

Here, for the first time, thoroughly researched, plainly presented in the English language and appropriate for children, adults, and historians alike, is the true story of the legendary early morning in 1813 when the good citizens of St. Michaels, MD, somehow fooled the British, saved their town, and cemented a lasting legacy of greatness. This beautiful hardcover features caricatures of Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, and Frederick Douglass (doing a cannonball into Donald Rumsfeld's swimming pool).

For less than the price of 30 cups of coffee, subscribers receive six illustrated books in the mail throughout the year. Further, books neither stain your teeth nor raise your blood pressure (unless they are extremely suspenseful books about the love lives of teenage vampires, which ours usually are not). Subscriptions make excellent gifts for birthdays, weddings, boat christenings, and various midwinter holidays.

For less than the price of 30 cups of coffee and a tuque, subscribers receive six illustrated books in the mail throughout the year. Further, books neither stain your teeth nor raise your blood pressure (unless they are extremely suspenseful books about the love lives of teenage vampires, which ours usually are not). Subscriptions make excellent gifts for birthdays, weddings, boat christenings, and various midwinter holidays.

For less than the price of 30 cups of coffee, a turtleneck sweater, and a beret, subscribers receive six illustrated books in the mail throughout the year. Further, books neither stain your teeth nor raise your blood pressure (unless they are extremely suspenseful books about the love lives of teenage vampires, which ours usually are not). Subscriptions make excellent gifts for birthdays, weddings, boat christenings, and various midwinter holidays.

Before Americans ruled America, French explorers ran rampant across the land, seeking, discovering, naming, and harming. We celebrate the leading figures of this movement and their defining facial characteristics.

The world is a savage place. Everyone needs help to get by. Love is good in measured doses, but what is love but a game of checkers? A girl needs a fellow she can count on. A fellow needs a girl with substance. Sometimes great hair is not enough. And other times it might be.

This is the last book you’ll ever need, at least for a while. Thanks to the wonders of the X-Acto knife and some careful editing, the reader will encounter 10,000 tales of triumph and woe—neither more nor less. Most combinations lead to senseless banalities, but nevertheless promise to delight! Or bore! Or infuriate! We dare you not to perspire.

The myth of origin or the origin of myth? Evolution, creation, the birth of subjectivity, the rise of consumer culture, the onset of suburban malaise. Watch man begin and end and live a life between. Glance dismally into the mirror of complicity, complacency, and conceit. Contains bazookas, beer, and Barbie dolls.

It’s that classic tale that warms the heart: boy meets girl and does not like what he sees. The merits of fear-based love affairs are considered through the prisms of pork, road trips, neo-nihilism, manual labor, and pitch blackness. Retro-style photographic cutouts used to mask the fact that this book is really about its readers. And its authors.

Our greatest president plays no role in this cautionary tale of bed-bound philosophers. Contains underwhelming nudity, a demoralizing color palate, inane dialogue, and a great maddening riddle: when lovers cannot hear each other’s words, does changing outfits help?

The world has waited generations for the definitive book on traffic. Now, in the company of small, unsophisticated, off-register illustrations, the answers unfold in dazzling fashion. Part monograph, part liberation theology, our smallest creation to date is also the most wordy. Poor you.

The oft-neglected examination of that special place where funnel cakes and zombiism collide is hereby revisited. As you read, the authors advise to you to remember that old true phrase: Guns kill people, but trans fats kill them better, as do new cars, fancy televisions, diamond rings, and condos in Malibu.

No man is an island, but some men live on them. Here, the “deserted island,” “dark tower,” and “twisty staircase” motifs are examined as metaphors. Ask yourself: do you like metaphors? Good for you! Ask yourself: What is the difference between living and dreaming? And: Must we oil the iron maiden just because it's there? And: Should anyone be allowed to play the tuba? Or tennis? This book contains just six words and features bare buttocks.

How can a king in a tent be content with a bird in the hand and the bear beneath the bed? Here the wages of fratricide are weighed against the careless cruelty of youth. Dark and perplexing and laden with distracting symbolism, this book is a good example of what happens when Robbi draws the pictures before Matthew writes the story.

Widely known as the father of our nation, here George Washington is celebrated for some of his lesser-known accomplishments. These include: running bare naked through the streets of Chestertown, Maryland; drinking three pitchers of National Bohemian in one sitting; and getting together with other of our nation’s fathers to dance in lycra tights outside a savings bank. Also a 2009 calendar.

Described by Robbi's dad as “damned depressing,” this might not be a book you should consider giving as a wedding present. However, given that it addresses inter-partner miscommunication and the inevitability of death (where you part), perhaps you should.

Nuns are good and we are bad and so we look to them to see us through the hinterlands of the everyday. A handful of our favorite sisters are revealed in all their nearly immaculate glory. The hiccups are forgivable--as hopefully, are we.

What is the desert but a place to wander freely? The lines of narrative and sand are drawn and blurred as our unnamed narrator rehashes it all in the driver's seat of a convenience store the morning after.

Babies are hideous creatures—hateful, disruptive, selfish, and loud. This volume details their most distressing shortcomings while offering no solutions. There are none. Babies will be our ruin.



Buy it with our pink, blue, or green "Peep/Poop" onesie for $20.

Buy it with our pink or blue "I Suck" onesie for $20.