Apparel

Celebrate the defining adjectives of Idiots’Books (as classified by the New York magazine Approval Matrix, November 2009).

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel men’s-style T-shirt.

Celebrate the defining adjectives of Idiots’Books (as classified by the New York magazine Approval Matrix, November 2009).

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel ladies-style T-shirt with a figure-flattering cut.

The perfect outfit for those shwanky no-pants cocktail parties you go to every weekend. Why just eat cheese when you can use it to cover your buns? These boxers tend to run a bit small; we recommend ordering one size larger than you usually would.

This is the perfect tie for your shwanky cocktail parties. Why just eat cheese when you can wear it on your person? Just keep an eye out for the mouse.

The classic conundrum unfolds with silky comfort against your upper thighs and backside: which came first, the chicken or the roasted chicken? These boxers tend to run a bit small; we recommend ordering one size larger than you usually would.

The classic conundrum unfolds: which came first, the chicken or the roasted chicken? Robbi’s chicken tie was purchased by the wife of Frank Purdue. Haven’t you always wanted to dress like Frank Purdue?

Man’s best friend has such simple aspirations. Just a scratch behind the ears, a daily allotment of dried kibble, and a bright red hydrant on which to take a leak. These boxers tend to run a bit small; we recommend ordering one size larger than you usually would.

Man’s best friend has such simple aspirations. Just a scratch behind the ears, a daily allotment of dried kibble, and a bright red hydrant on which to take a leak.

Do it! Right now! Take out your pencil, pen, nub of chalk, or sharpie. Find some paper or an unsuspecting wall. Have at it, man!

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel men’s-style T-shirt.

Do it! Right now! Take out your pencil, pen, nub of chalk, or sharpie. Find some paper or an unsuspecting wall. Have at it, lady!

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel ladies-style T-shirt with a figure-flattering cut.

The lowly frog has a simple life. On the best of days he is kissed by hopeful girls, but most of the time he is content to snag a passing fly. These boxers tend to run a bit small; we recommend ordering one size larger than you usually would.

The lowly frog has a simple life. On the best of days he is kissed by hopeful girls, but most of the time he is content to snag a passing fly.

Your child is riddled with hubris. Knock him off his pedestal and remind him who’s the boss before it’s too late. Buy it with The Baby is Disappointing for $20 (outrageous $5 savings!)

Your child is riddled with hubris. Knock her off her pedestal and remind him who’s the boss before it’s too late. Buy it with The Baby is Disappointing for $20 (outrageous $5 savings!)

This might be the perfect baby shower gift. The onesie reminds arrogant babies of their general inadequacy. The book helps new parents understand the merits of keeping their expectations low. They'll thank you for it!

Would-be novelists and unpublished poets alike—take heart in knowing that all that pent-up angst is dead sexy.

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel men’s-style T-shirt.

Would-be novelists and unpublished poets alike—take heart in knowing that all that pent-up angst is dead sexy.

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel ladies-style T-shirt with a figure-flattering cut.

Command the board room (or the 19th hole) with this worn endorsement of the ultimate power drink (provided you attend board meetings and play golf sans pants). There among the olives is a single cocktail onion, separating the dilettante from the martini connoisseur. These boxers tend to run a bit small; we recommend ordering one size larger than you usually would.

Command the board room (or the 19th hole) with this worn endorsement of the ultimate power drink. There among the olives is a single cocktail onion, separating the dilettante from the martini connoisseur.

Having trouble telling the two ends of your baby apart? Never again! This onesie reminds you which part is cute and sweet ("peep" on the chest) and which part is not at all ("poop" on the butt-flap). Buy it with The Baby is Disappointing for $20 (outrageous $5 savings!)

Having trouble telling the two ends of your baby apart? Never again! This onesie reminds you which part is cute and sweet ("peep" on the chest) and which part is not at all ("poop" on the butt flap). Buy it with The Baby is Disappointing for $20 (outrageous $5 savings!)

Having trouble telling the two ends of your baby apart? Never again! This onesie ($15) reminds you which part is cute and sweet ("peep" on the chest) and which part is not at all ("poop" on the butt-flap). Buy it with The Baby is Disappointing for $20 (outrageous $5 savings!)

This might be the perfect baby shower gift. The onesie helps new parents understand the difference between the front and back parts of the baby. The book helps build an appreciation for the fact that their darling child may lack certain skills at the outset. They'll thank you for it!

This playful claim is not an ultimatum. Apparently, artists have a sense of humor. Who knew?

Screen printed on a super-soft American Apparel men’s-style T-shirt.