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In which we get all the expletives out in the moments before we start filming because there is so very much to be done in the next two weeks before Robbi leaves for Alaska.
In which we come to you with little energy, praise Robbi for remaining alive while Matthew was away, and inelegantly conclude our time with you in the middle of a sentence.
In which Matthew checks in from Baltimore, where he slept so long and soundly that his hosts feared he was dead.
Another batch of drawings calls for another batch of answers.
I gave you this:
And you tried, friends. You tried so hard. And some of you prevailed. But most of you did not.
This is not:
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords
Nor is it:
The most interesting man in the world
Mandy Patinkin, but I only think it is him because I like saying his name almost as much as I like saying
John Krasinski (although the hair had me thinking Coolio for a little bit)
One of the mean giants from the BFG.
Definitely someone who eats children.
Good god. I have no idea who this kind-eyed hirstute fellow could be.
Post Malone saying “Where are my grillz???”
Matthew Swanson pre-shaving mishap
Just one of you you guessed:
- Donald Glover
And one other of you guessed:
- Childish Gambino getting photobombed by a dragonfly
And both of you were right, because Donald Glover and Childish Gambino are THE VERY SAME PERSON. The very same person who I drew!
But there was no dragonfly. Whoever invoked the dragonfly that is not there should be very ashamed.
Next up was this human person (I swear!):
Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen
Is it an Olsen twin?
Helena Bonham Carter
Cher (this was a popular error)
Helena Bonham Carter? (this guesser lacked conviction)
Wife, from McMillan and Wife, a mystery show you probably have never seen.
The Lady of the Lake from Camelot
Marie Antoinette after her beheading
A woman who has never been in my kitchen
Zombie Gwyneth Paltrow
Meryl Streep in… everything she’s ever done
A young Miss Havisham? This week’s selections are really something.
One of the Olsen twins? I mean they look horrible these days!
Cher (who was such a popular guess that she earned her own category):
A very scared Cher.
Cher. And I do NOT want to know what she has been up to.
Cher Jolie Madonna and/or Kiera Knightly
Which is to say that not one of you guessed Yoko Ono. (I can’t decide whether she would be extremely disappointed or deeply relieved.)
Moving on (because that’s what life does, however much you might prefer to sit here staring at my drawing of Yoko indefinitely)
Spoiler alert: Two of you got this right.
Those two of you did not guess:
Older Ellen. Or maybe Barbara Bush (RIP).
Tammy Faye Bakker
Camilla Parker Bowles
Julie Andrews playing Julia Child
The closest I can think of is Judy Dench
I mean. Is it Tammy Faye Baker??
They don’t have to be living, right? Julia Child.
Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers’ land of make believe
My kids say this one looks like Cruella de Ville.
A Golden Girl?
Vampire Barbara Bush
My mother in law
Sarah Huckabee or random surprised republican
As for the two correct guesses:
Jessica Fletcher, of Murder She Wrote. AKA Angela Lansbury (three points for comprehensiveness!)
No! It is not Guy Fieri, though so many of you thought it was. I’d like to meet you halfway and say that I made certain Guy Fierre-like errors, but I much prefer to assume that you are collectively confused.
Nor is it:
Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark.
Sofia Vergara’s boyfriend
That chef dude? Or could be Joey Fatone
Jason Priestley in a tux
And it certainly is not:
All the Baldwin brothers mashed together
The boy Kardashian
Slater from Saved by the Bell at his 20 year work anniversary for Chippendale’s
The waiter who will sip you a roofie after you decline to go cruising in his Camaro after dinner.
Random member of a 80’s-90’s era boy band. I think his name is Howie.
The FBI sketch of what the perv from 90210 probably looks like now.
Stanley Tucci in the Hunger Games, or one of my high school teachers
That guy from that show
One of those celebrity chefs whose name isn’t worth remembering.
Super Smize Me
Come on, people. How could not one of you have guessed the crystal clear likeness of James Franco?!?!?!
Robbi found a new survey platform for Matthew Draws, and this one allowed you to give me a star rating, a way for you to reach across the ether and reward me for my earnest efforts…and glittering talent. I will now review the results and report back to you what I have learned.
And what I learned is… you people gave me an average of 3.75 stars, which is pretty much akin to a B+.
I am passing the course!!!
I am reasonably close to an A.
I am validated!
I can draw!
I CAN DRAW.
YOU PEOPLE LIKE THE DRAWINGS THAT I MAKE!!!!
Or perhaps you people didn’t understand how star ratings are supposed to work?
In any case, it’s time for the bonus question, in which you answer a query from Robbi, which was:
If one of these people were to play a new Marvel character in a new summer blockbuster franchise, who would it be and what would their superhero name be?
First, let me remind you of our candidates:
As is always the case, you came through. You rose to the challenge.
- Number one, because he would blind people with his incredibly white teeth
- Mrs. Doubtfire burns down corrupt banker’s houses when she’s hired as a live-in nanny but can’t cook because it’s secretly the ghost of Robin Williams in drag and he never learned how to cook properly, either in this life or the next, because patriarchy.
- Guy Guerre: The Fry Guy!
- They would all be members of the Superb Friends Just-Us League! Their super powers include being nice to each other and undressing people in their minds, which makes them also very good at public speaking.
- Lena Horne. Except she’s no longer with us. But maybe her superpower is that she can come back from the dead and then sing people to sleep
- 2nd One, she confuses you to death with her eyes. Which one is looking at you? No one knows.
- #4, because he can make a mean burger. If that’s not a superpower, I don’t know what is.
- Julie Andrews as Julia Child as the new Marvel superhero Coco Vin. The power to make kale taste good.
- #1, Captain Chompers
- #1, and his name is Smiley
- Woman w/ the long, wavy hair. Her superhero(-ine) name would be The Bedraggler, & her superpower would be, like a muggy summer’s day, to render supervillains’ hair totally unmanageable, thereby foiling their plans for world domination/destruction.
- Just no. Alright fine, the beard, he would be The Beard. His superpower is warming his own face in winter.
- The waiter. The Big Sleaze. Powers include: never tiring after countless rebuffs, inexhaustible supply of cheesy pickup lines, and perma Axe Body Spray scent.
- Guy Fieri, clearly. Donkey Sauce Man. His superpower is scaring off aliens with his highly inferior cooking.
- The first lady. She is scary, so while she would be no superhero, her talents as a villain would be amazing-especially using that death-defying hair that is lava to the touch. Burn baby burn
- Third one. Unimpressed. She shoots withering looks of contempt and disappointment.
- Post Malone, who has the super power of randomly surprising republicans (when he dons his grillz o’ power)
- Definitely the lady in pearls. She’d be the commissioner’s wife who’s secretly in cahoots (and in love) with the villain. Her name would be vaguely European, like Giselle or Margox. Her only superpowers are business savvy and an ability to subsist on nothing but white wine.
And, as a special bonus this week, I bring you a sneak peek of the opening salvo of the Matthew Draws sitcom pilot being written by our friend and Canadian, Morgan Murray.
I think smell a hit.
Or is it something else?
In which Robbi welcomes June with no joy on account of not being able to remember where she put the keys to the container where our mattresses are in Alaska.
The Daily Minute: 5.31.18 In which Matthew unveils his scientifically irresistible 10-day stubble and Robbi proves (barely) able to resist violating the Daily Minute’s family-friendly content policy.
In which Matthew is judged for the shape of his hat and Robbi is struck with a refreshing moment of self-awareness.