Matthew Draws 36 – The Answers

Ok. Ok. I’m sorry. I know that these answers were supposed to be posted on Friday, but Friday was a big day. A busy day. A tiring day.

And so I dropped the ball.

There is no time like the present for picking the ball back up again.


The guesses were many. There were several themes.

Most of you sensed that this person was a child. This was a reasonable impulse.

Many of you guessed the correct child, but not all of you, I’m afraid.

  • By process of elimination, this is a female. A terrifying female.
  • Kid president?
  • Emmanuel Lewis!!
  • Emmanuel Lewis
  • Emmanuel Lewis
  • Some kinda freak baby-something?
  • Uncle Fester after a one-two punch. (Mostly a very disturbing baby)
  • Webster!
  • A 7-y-o at the ophthalmologist’s after being given 27 cups of coffee & the promise of post-appt candy
  • Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?
  • Mike Tyson
  • Emmanuel Lewis of Webster fame. I hope my advanced age helps me against my younger, smarter competitors.
  • Wow… just wow. But, you know, great work!
  • Michael Strahan’s baby
My favorite response:
  • This is kinda like what Teri Gross looks like compared to what I thought she looked like. Sorry Teri Gross.
(I ALSO thought Teri Gross looked completely different than she actually looks. I wish I had never, ever looked at her actual photo, because my dream was a beautiful dream.)
And the correct response:
  • Emmanuel Lewis (AKA Webster)

Next up…


Here, there wasn’t much mystery.

Really, it all boiled down to you guessing which generation of ruthless North Korean dictator I was trying to draw.

  • Kim Jong Un
  • Kim Jon (I forgot how you spell the last part of his name)
  • Kim Jong Un!!
  • Kim Jong Il
  • Kim Jong-Il
  • Pity Kim Jong Un who has been AWOL and powerless for awhile
  • Kim Jong-Un. (well done!)
  • He be Ill’n!
  • Kim Jong-I’m-Feeling-a-Little-Il
  • This is easy peasy lemon squeezy…Kim Jong-un double chin and all.
  • Kim Jong Un!
  • Kim Jung Un
  • Dear Leader!! Kim Jong Un.
  • Kim Jong-un
  • Kim Jong Il (or Un?)
My favorite response:
As you can see, the guesses were pretty evenly split between the “Un”s and the “Il”s.
And the “Un”s have it!

Next up, we waded into less consensus.


Once again I was the target of derision as the result of my inability to draw a plausible hand.

  • Janis Joplin
  • Carrot top in drag?
  • Janis Joplin!!
  • Janice Joplin
  • Janis Joplin
  • Carol King?
  • Kim Largemouth-Bass-inger
  • Whoopi Goldberg grew a claw?
  • Captain Hook(ette).
  • Lovechild of Janis Joplin and Captain Hook
  • I was gonna say Steven Tyler, but the glasses make it Janis Joplin.
  • If not for the glasses, I would think this was Steven Tyler (lips, teeth, hair, the many bracelets and rings). However, the glasses defs make it Janis.
  • Julia Roberts?
  • Carly Simon?
My favorite response:
  • Goldie Hawn starring simultaneously as Captain Hook and her daughter’s role in “Almost Famous”

The correct response:

  • Why do you draw all those little teeth and then just blob the hand? Luckily, Janis Joplin isn’t famous for her distinctive hands.

We conclude, then, with the one that gave you fits. And for good reason. Though I can see my subject in this drawing (if faintly), it’s only because I drew him.

You tried hard. I really believe you tried.

  • Rob Riggle
  • It’s got to be a politician
  • what someone looks like when they just realized they have swallowed their tongue. wow! that makes 4 right!
  • Every copier repairman I’ve ever seen.
  • Jon Hamm
  • IRS agent
  • Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in 20 years.
  • John Travolta? Marigold says it’s got to be.
  • Tommy Lee Jones, approximately halfway thru probing by aliens
  • I can’t believe I’m saying this. Chris Christie post jelly doughnut on Letterman days? Perhaps during Bridge-gate.
  • Brad Garrett.
  • Bob Dole
  • Pete Rose. No Ciaran Hinds.
  • John Travolta, after seeing a monkey eat a zebra.
  • Um, that white dude from TV, clearly
  • Paul Ryan
But not one of you got it right. I fooled you a bit by jumping from the usual categories. This fine gentleman plays the game of American Football. Most likely, my friend Clayton will complain that this fellow is too obscure. But in that argument, Clayton will not be correct.
This fellow is none other than Payton Manning, unarguably one of the finest quarterbacks in history.

As for the bonus question:

Which of these fine, upstanding citizens would you pick to play Matthew in the Lifetime Movie of the Week about his life?

  • Matthew should play Matthew! We need some eye candy in this movie, and lord knows it won’t come from any of these people.
  • Kid President, because he’s awesome and we need more of him.
  • Write in vote: Woody Harrelson
  • There are no suitable choices here for that job.
  • You are neither a baby nor a sociopath, a diva nor a chauvinist so none of them are worthy of the roll.
  • Webster. But him now – old Webster. Obviously.
  • I think we can safely rule out #3, given her presumed ovaries; Kim Jong-Il has, I’m guessing pretty ltd range & thus wouldn’t be able to do anything but pretend that he was in charge & that everybody’s scared of him; #1 is too young (sorry, Matthew), altho Matthew DOES make that face; so I’m gonna hafta go w/ #4 of the square jaw, chiseled features, & lifeless eyes.
  • Whoopi. If she can play a nun in Sister Act, she can play anybody!
  • Janis Joplin is just edgy enough to pull it off.
  • Definitely number one. Nothing says “What possessed me to marry into the Behr family” like that face.
  • Ryan Gosling… I don’t think he’s one of the special creatures featured here… but stranger things have happened.
  • It’s not exactly a typecasting move, more like “inspired by the story” of Matthews life, but I think Michael Strahan’s baby could be awesome for this role.

The winner, of course, is whichever misguided soul referred to me as “eye candy.” But I also appreciate the suggestion that I be played by Michael Strahan’s baby. Or Woody Harrelson, for that matter.

You people are too kind.

Stay tuned this coming friday for a Matthew Draws of an entirely different sort. In addition to my drawings of four celebrities, you will be reviewing the drawings of seven intrepid Idiots’Books subscribers who have sent in drawings of the same four subjects for a fight-to-the-death round of head-to-head Matthew Draws competition.

It will be thrilling! And ground breaking!

And almost certainly, I will lose.

Good times. Good times.