The results from the Baby Lineup are in! Thank you all for correctly identifying my first child, Alden. 67.3% of you recognized that gigantic head and extrapolated correctly. Bravo! The other 32.7% of you can’t really be faulted, but should still be appropriately embarrassed. I mean, you can say all babies look the same, but isn’t that infantism?

To give you a sense of Alden’s evolution, and to see the thread that runs from big fat-headed Charlie Brown baby to the rangy curly-top of today, here you go:

Mystery baby #2 was much harder. The majority of you (45.2%) incorrectly guessed Kato, while a mere 34.8% of you were right in recognizing August. I’m only cutting you some slack because we’ve already agreed that all babies look alike. That being said, for those 20% of you who guessed Alden – for shame! She’s not even a boy!

Though August hasn’t had as many evolutionary steps as Alden, here’s his photo history. Looking at these, it seems to me I must have taken pictures of three different babies. Perhaps I am to blame for all of your bad guesses. Are any of these my baby? Who knows.

And, last but not least, for those of you who have been paying attention, Baby #3 must be (by process of elimination) Kato. 45.2% got this right, but only by a very slim margin – 42.6% of you thought it was August. I’m sure the 12.2% of you who thought it was Alden were just trying to vote independent. You probably voted for Nader in 2000. Communists.

And here you can see Kato, going from little google-eyed lump to surfer dude to – well, what can I say – handsome devil (in my defense, “devil” being the operative word).

And so, I thank you. I thank you all for forcing me to closely examine my babies so that I can better identify them when I’ve lost them in the parking lot, or found them under a bed. Though it might have been better to get photos of them all screaming if that were the case.