We woke early on Tuesday morning, and drove to Reagan.

Robbi was cheerful.

I was encumbered.

But as soon as those bags were safely stowed and we were sitting there in our seats, two adults free of juvenile company for four straight days, a kind of elation spread through us, and we could not help but smile.

It took a while, but eventually, we got to Salt Lake City, where it was raining and chilly, which is not what we expected.

We checked into our hotel and found our way to an Indian buffet, where more enthusiasm prevailed.

Well fed, and ready for anything, we tucked into our finest threads and headed to the conference, which was happening a few blocks away at a hotel a bit beyond our pay grade.

Alt was kind enough to offer a beginners session full of tips and tricks, dos and don’ts. The biggest takeaways were: 1) use the #altsummit hashtag a lot and 2) don’t get drunk and dance on the tables. Robbi was pretty disappointed in #2, but she took it in stride.

The second session offered a bit of inspiration.

And some very good advice.

Alt was under way. We felt welcomed.

The first night at Alt ends with a series of dinners hosted by the conference’s various sponsors. Robbi headed off in a shuttle to a “colorful awesome” party thrown by Bing, and I walked a few blocks to a Japanese restaurant.

The theme of my gathering was “a splash of yellow.”

I was the only man in attendance. I have been at Alt for two days now, and I believe that there are fewer than ten of us here.

I was too distracted by the sushi to spend much time worrying about my minority status. It kept coming in waves, each roll or dish more beautiful than the last.

The rain had stopped by the time dinner ended.

But the streets were still wet as the sun set.

Back in our room, I continued the seemingly endless process of stuffing the giveaway bags for our breakout session.

First up, the “red envelopes,” which contains The Baby is Disappointing, our self-promotional book, Who We Are and What We Do, a copy of the latest Bobbledy album, Where is My Chicken, a Bobbledy catalog, an Idiots’Books catalog, and one of our fresh-off-the presses letterpress business cards.

At the appointed time, we headed out. The morning was glorious.

The only thing more magnificent than the snow-capped mountains was the men’s room at the Grand, which, on account of the skewed gender ratio, was like my own private ballroom.

At Alt, we finally had the chance to meet the legendary Marigold Haske, of whom we have known for more than a decade, but who we had never met in person (and whose actual existence, consequently, we always secretly doubted). Marigold and her husband Steve have long been known to us as our West Coast doppelgangers. Steve is also a wholesome white guy and Marigold is also a sexy, smart half-Asian chick. Which is to say that Steve and I did well for ourselves. Which is to say that Marigold and Robbi can both be accused of lacking judgment.

In any case, you can find Marigold at Hideous!Dreadful!Stinky!, where she blogs about lifestyle, craft, and and parenthood with intelligence, humor, and attitude, and you can find Steve at Everything I Own, where he draws awesome illustrations of, yes, everything he owns.

While waiting for the opening keynote, we hung out in the Bing lounge, where free headshots were being offered.

Robbi and I both channeled our inner Italian model

Perhaps you did not know that I considered a runway career? Neither did I until yesterday morning.

Bing’s lounge was full of inspirational, awesome-laced phrases. I took a moment to reflect on it all.

At 9:00 sharp, it was keynote time.

The speaker was Joy Cho (of Oh, Joy), an extremely successful blogger, designer, and entrepreneur who has created stationary and product lines, who has written several books, and who can generate 1 million re-pins with a single Pinterest post (a sign of ultimate power in the social media age).

A big part of Alt is handing out business cards. Here is the winner to date, a handmade, grommeted, letterpressed rocketship with a spinning wheel from Caravan.

Lunch was not just delicious, but also fun. The fun was amplified by these free hats from Joy Cho’s soon-to-be-released Target line.

Last night, before bed, there was more stuffing of more envelopes.

The afternoon sessions I attended were filled with great advice on how to be a blog contributor (basically, someone who writes posts on someone else’s blog), how to create an editorial calendar, and how to design and build an effective web site.

The evening offered a party in the park with such culinary offerings as kimchee hot dogs. I got there before Robbi, so she could not stop me from partaking.

There were break dancers on hand to not only delight us but to make us all feel old and brittle.

There were amazing cookies that made me full before my second dinner even arrived.

 

Did I eat my second dinner anyway? I did. It was chicken and waffles. It was delicious.

Last night, before bed, there was more stuffing of more envelopes, followed by a run-through of our talk.

At the conclusion of which, we lost promptly lost consciousness. And now it’s today. And here we go. We hit the stage at 11:00am Mountain Time.

Wish us luck.