Friends, my apologies for the lateness of this post. I know that some of you need the answers to Matthew Draws 28 the way a hungry man needs meatloaf, and it fills me with regret to have prolonged your misery.
We returned from four whirlwind days in Salt Lake City in the wee hours of last night, and I have just now cleared the cobwebs sufficiently to rise to the mental challenge of sharing the answers to this week’s Matthew Draws with you.
Here is my first drawing. I must say, I was pleased with this effort and am hopeful that some among you were able to identify this guy.
And many of you (if not most of you) gratified me by correctly guessing Bill Cosby. In fact, this may go down as one of the most successful drawings in Matthew Draws history. Way to go, you! Way to go, me!
A few of your specific answers that pleased me:
- Bill Cosby, a little saggier than he should be.
- It looks like Jimmy Durante, but I suspect it’s Bill Cosby.
- This is no one other than Bill Cosby. This is really good. He looks like he ate all the pie.
- Bill Cosby, eyeing a Jell-O Pudding Pop!
- Bill Cosby with a fucked up grill
- Bill Cosby or a homeless guy. Either way, there’s some kind of rash happening.
- Bill Cosby playing Gollum in Lord of the Rings Part IV – The Rise and Fall of Jell-o
- These are quotes from my boss: “that is obviously bill cosby,”
- I could immediately tell that this is Bill Cosby – way to go Matthew!
A few of the misfires:
- Anthony Hopkins
- Morley Safer
- George Foreman
- Mel Brooks
- Chubby Checker. No, this doesn’t look like him, but I’ve started to try to guess more from the captions than the drawings themselves. I have better success.
- All I can figure is Morgan Freeman after a shave.
- OJ Simpson after some sort of terrible accident
- The nose, ears, & broken teeth all say “retired boxer,” so I’m going w/ Selena Gomez.
Here’s my source photo
Moving on, then, to this week’s sweet young thing/this week’s 12-car pileup.
There was near consensus that this was a drawing of Annie Lennox. And I see it. I really, really wish that this were a drawing of Annie Lennox. But it is not. It is not a drawing of Annie Lennox.
Nor is it.
- Sinead O’Connor
- Glenn Close
- Red (from Orange is the New Black)
- That little humanoid from Lord of the Rings – Dobby?
- Miley Cyrus
- One of those New Direction boys my cousin has dolls of
- Gozer (also known as Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler and Lord of the Sebouillia).
- Red, from Orange is the New Black
- Miley Pink O’Connor
- David Bowie
- Is that a foot?!?
- Miley Cyrus contemplating a life lived w/ 1/2 the usual complement of fingers: “Mmm, good thing my tongue is so dexterous…”
- Crazy Brittany Spears after the head shaving thing and some finger incident, apparently.
- Huh. I want to say Macaulay Culkin. Again, based more on caption rather than the drawing. But then, who gets to be the pretty, young woman this time? This seems to be the only option. So I’m guessing Gwendoline Christie.
- “i’m kind of thinking….a young, pre-bald, less militant sinead o’conner.”
- tilda swinton?
- Sinead O’Connor after letting her hair grow out a bit.
- Natalie Portman
- Someone using a rabbits foot as a clavicle scratcher. Such poor taste. For some reason I cannot explain I’m getting Jennifer Aniston with her hair pulled back.
- Susan Powter?
- Portia de Rossi, although I’m not sure why she only has three fingers.
- The lead singer of the Eurythmics. Obviously not right, because who the heck knows who she is?
Thank you, you beautiful, lucky, reckless guesser. Thank you.
Onward, then, to #3.
Various misfires abounded:
- That aunt that you don’t want to kiss you.
- Madeleine Albright, Carly Simon as an old person
- Hilary Clinton
- Phyllis Diller
- Grandma? Is that you?
- I know exactly who she is – that grandmother on some sitcom. I don’t think it’s the Everyone Loves Raymond one, but I can’t figure it out.
- Angela Merkel?
- Joy Behar
- Barbara Bush
- Margaret Thatcher
- Every librarian ever
- One of the Golden Girls or The Queen. Or maybe the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond. How many guesses do I get?
- Barbara Bush. The tasteful pearls.
- dame edna?
- How do you know my Mom?
- Dolly Parton? Margaret Thatcher? Dolly Thatcher?
- Fluffy Perm Lady
- Rue McClanahan, may she rest in peace.
- Emma Thompson
- Obviously Susan Boyle
- The old lady who plays Raymond’s mom in Everybody Loves Raymond, except the lack of your usual craggy lines on women, young and old, is making me second guess it. Dame Edna?
- Betty White or Rue McClanahan. Definitely one of the Golden Girls.
- I hope she’s Betty White.
As for #4, here is my weekly attempt to draw a leading man. Some things went wrong, of course.
Here were some of your guesses:
- Chiseled McStubble Chin
- Bryan Cranston? Arnold Schwarzenegger?
- Otis Campbell
- Josh Duhame
- Yikes
- Golden Throat, the hobo with the announcer voice!
- Look, I’m really worse at this than you are at drawing. I want to say Tom Hanks or Bill Murray because I get them confused but it’s neither, is it?
- I give up. Christopher Walken.
- Ben Affleck? Only because he has a habitual 5 0’clock shadow.
- Furry love-child of Jon Hamm and John Kerry
- Some washed up actor from a 90s sitcom. Maybe Friends?
- I really have no clue.
- Looks a bit like if Alec Baldwin & Tom Hanks had a son
- Brian Cranston/Walter White after they told him to “take some time off” from teaching
- Jon Hamm. After having sex, like, 10 times that day and drinking a bottle of whiskey.
- Jim Carrey. Unless you’ve already drawn him. And then its not.
- Schwarzinager with stubble
- Russell Crowe
- Well I’m pretty happy about the shaving/ non-shaving theme. However, I googled ‘actors with big chins’ but it felt like cheating, and the internet connection was slow, so I stopped.
- Colin Firth
- Matt Dillon
- Simon Cowell? Tom Hanks?
- Jon Hamm. And may you go directly to hell if I am right.
- Jon Hamm
- Jon Hamm
- A Baldwin.
- The inimitable Jon Hamm.
- David Beckham, just because the World Cup is on, not because I really think that’s who you were trying for, and my husband says it’s the Governator, but he never forgets to shave so I’m sure that’s wrong as well.
- John Hamm with an overbite.
I think the John Hamms have it by plurality. And they would be correct. Though I’m slightly afraid of whoever has condemned me for my efforts.
As for the bonus question: 5. If these four people were in a pie eating contest, which one would win and what would they do after they won?
- Depends on the pie. Because if it’s a jell-o pudding pie, then Bill Cosby would win and then pretend to be smug about it.
- Your kissy kissy aunt. And then she would try to kiss you again.
- Def #4 whoever he is. And he would take everyone to Disneyworld, right?
- Bill Cosby would win (especially if there was jell-o pudding of any sort in the pie). After winning, he would say something like “zippity zoop dee bloop zabba zeeee.”
- Bill Cosby would kick their butts, if it were a Jello pie. He’d celebrate by buying a dashing new sweater.
- Bill Cosby because he looks so happy. True happiness comes from eating excessively of pie. After he won he would smile just like that. He has a good smile.
- Are you kidding? Bill Cosby. Hands down. Especially if it was a Jell-O pie. And afterwards, he’d do that Bill Cosby dance/strut thing in your face.
- Gozer would win b/c she is a Sumerian shape-shifting god of destruction. As for what she would do after she won…watch some of the IMDB geek-a-thon “How It Should Have Ended” videos on IMDB.
- OJ Simpson would win and then he’d engage in some form of questionable behavior
- Foot lady. She’d be cheating by using her foot, but the prize is a new pair of shoes, so I can kind of understand why she does it.
- Margaret Thatcher ~ let out an enormous belch
- If it was a gravel cream pie eating contest, I’m pretty sure Contestant #1 already won, which he’s celebrating by smiling (sort of) & looking furtively to his right.
- The guy with the teeth.
- Chubby Checker. (The others wouldn’t try very hard.) Then he would do the Electric Slide. Anything but the Twist.
- #1 looks like he’d have the heartiest appetite. After he won, he’d grab my Mom (who would lose) spin and dip her on the dance floor, causing her to shriek and faint.
- Colin Firth and would probably have ice cream after the win.
- Bill Cosby. Then he’d buy lots of jello
- #1, because he could use some pie in his left cheek to fill the space between mouth and ear
- Rabbit-defiling Jen Aniston, because girlfriend needs some pie.The pie needs no follow up because it’s its own reward.
- Scary Susan Powter who would punch out everyone else to win.
- The Baldwin. He would go on to eat every pie on the planet, forcing us to beef up our space exploration program so we could find a new planet with pie. The Baldwin would have to stay here though.
- Bill Cosby, provided it was a pudding pie, har har har!
- Bill Cosby would win if they were Jello pudding pies, and then all hopped up on sugar he might try to do a cartwheel and break a hip.
- #2 is so hungry he/she would totally win. And after he/she won, he/she would probably turn into a gremlin.
And that’s it! Apologies again for the late posting, but I hope that those of you who had to wait a bit too long for your meal are now feeling fat and happy—instead of angry and disappointed. Because here at Matthew Draws, we’re all about satisfying the consumer. Which is why, in spite of the natural human tendency to learn and improve at least a little through the process of repeated attempts, I stay just as awful at drawing as I ever have been.
You’re welcome.
