My, how the weeks fly by. It seems like only yesterday that I drew the folks below.
Let’s jump right into it, shall we, by starting with this week’s tender young flower
Who is it? Can you tell? I’m fairly sure that if I had not drawn her myself, I’d have no idea.
And yet, the very first guess was correct, flooding my heart with validation.
Let’s start by sharing the
- Laura Dern
- JLaw – unsmiling for TMZ with her hair once again longerish.
- Meryl Streep
- Ellen Pompeo
- Teen actress/ singer/ popular culture sensation du jour with beaded eyebrows?
- Demi Moore
- Morgan Fairchild?
- Blake Lively!
- Katy Perry
- Laura Linney
- Scarlet Johanson
- Idina Menzel! Or Adele Dazeem!
- A disheveled but grimly determined Celine Dion
- Jennifer Aniston, of course
All reasonable guesses. All incorrect. But a few of you actually pinned the tail on this donkey.
- kristin/kirstin/kristinea stewart. probably.
- kristen stewart
- That girl from Twilight, who I’m not impressed by
- This has the emotion of Kristen Stewart – ugh
Do you hear that, people? I captured the emotion of Kristen Stewart. That’s some ART 201-level badassery.
I’m feeling good as we head into drawing number two.
Though the guesses were many, correct ones were in short supply.
- Joaquin Phoenix
- Scraggleface McLipring
- George Michael waking up before he go-gos?
- Robert DeNiro
- Seth Rogan, all cleaned up like he apparently is nowadays. Except he usually has glasses. So maybe Zach Braff?
- Thinnish John Travolta with a nasal augmentation?
- Just can’t think of his name.
- John Travolta
- He looks SO familiar!
- Russel Crowe
- Lawrence Fishburne
- That convict everyone thought was super hot. With a fat neck. In a suit.
- Fatty McFattlip. or….Sylvester stallone??
- Donnie Wahlberg gained some weight!
- Channing Tatum
- One of the guys from Goodfellas… Sonny Squinteyes? Mickey Fatlips? Donny Bignose?
- Adam Pally, of course.
I am delighted by the guesses above. It seems you had no trouble identifying the nose as the nexus of my failure in this drawing. Accidentally or not, two of you managed to bark up the right tree.
- Leonardo DiCaprio [with botox lips]
- Leonardo DiCaprio. Except that it doesn’t look anything like him through the nose. Maybe it’s John Travolta? The hairline is suspiciously plug-looking. Maybe that’s a clue?
I am flattered by whoever it was felt that I was leaving you a “clue.” Please keep in mind that, for me, doing these drawings is like being thrown out of an airplane. I have neither the time nor the psychic wherewithal to worry about “clues.” It is all I can do to locate the ripcord and pull hard before I splatter against the rocks.
Which brings us to #3.
Every once in a while, a drawing succeeds in spite of me. I think this fellow helped me considerably by having a recognizable chin.
Here are the wrong guesses.
- Bloated Ewan McGregor?
- Young Bela Lagosi [him again?!?]
- John Travolta
- Alec Baldwin
- Hmmmmmmm
- Teen Wolf?
- Neil Gaiman or Peter Gabriel?
- fat elderly after school special show man…like “growing pains” dad…ummm. alan thicke.
- Picasso-esque Alec Baldwin
And guesses with various shades of correctness:
- John Travolta post Welcome Back Kotter days with his signature cleft chin. Either that, or this is some young JT wannabe with a chin piercing?
- Not-so-thinish John Travolta with a temporary tattoo chin mole
- John Travolta! Matthew & I are doing SO WELL this time!
- John Travolta with food on his chin
- How can this also be John Travolta? Now I’m worried that my Adele Dazeem guess is poisoning my brain.
- Travolta! That chin dimple is a dead giveaway (as is that pinchy, smuggy mouth).
- John Travolta, of course.
Of course. I mean, of course.
Oh boy. This seems to happen from time to time: that one particular feature tends to take over and destroy the rest of the picture, like a piranha let loose in a goldfish tank.
You people did your best.
- Reese Witherspoon?
- The love-child of Snooki, Nicki Minaj, Cher, And Farrah – contemplating a loathsome melted plastic spatula.
- Medusa? Rue Paul? Barbra Streisand? I give up.
- Farrah Fawcett
- Cher in her big hair phase
- Wicked Witch of the West letting it all hang out? on a humid day?
- Raquel Welsh?
- That lady from the BumpIt infomercial
- Steven Tyler
- I love the claw! I have no idea.
- Sophia Vergara (sp?)
- Fergie
- Amy Winehouse
- Ooh maybe jessica lange with a lot of hair.
- “Lady” Gaga… or RuPaul… or a mashup of the 2!
- No idea
- I feel like I’m so close to knowing this. The giant hair has to be important, but I can’t quite get it. I’ll just go with Barbra Streisand (though I feel terrible guessing her).
- Kim Kardashian (again??) with her pet goose (ostrich?). Oh wait, no, is that her hand?!
- Why don’t you learn? Why isn’t there ANY progress? It’s been years. I can’t do it anymore.
But one of you (and it only takes one for me to consider my drawing a success) guessed correctly, and with aplomb!
- Kirstie Alley, of course.
I’m not sure the “of course” is quite as warranted here as it was with Mr. Travolta above, but I’ll take it. Oh yes, I will.
As for the bonus question…you people did not disappoint.
In the tradition of Sesame Street’s “One of these things doesn’t belong here” which of these people don’t belong here and why?
- The melted plastic spatula does not belong amidst this splendor of star power, which is why Snooki-Nicki-Cher-Farrah is staring at it with such loathing
- The drag queen? Unless they all are..then John Travolta, because he might probably only be in drag accidentally?
- Me — Because I don’t know enough celebrities to know which people these nice folks are.
- The Wicked Witch of the West doesn’t belong because the other three are clearly hopped up on goofballs judging from their pindot pupils.
- #1 because she is too young.
- The first one because she looks the most normal and is making the other ones uncomfortable.
- # 1 because she will kill you with her eyes.
- John Travolta, because he is like an OT 12 or something! Take that Xenu!
- The first woman is clearly under dressed for the occasion
- I got nothin.
- Hairy Jessica, because her head seems to be floating in space above an extended dog’s foot and some swirly curtains.
- K. Stew doesn’t belong anywhere. Such a boring waste of a human life.
- Travolta, because his chin is cannibalistic.
- Take any and all Travoltas. You can have ’em!
- John Travolta, cuz he’s got better things to do, such as flying planes, dancing stylishly and/or cracking skulls
- I think the answer has to be Matthew, because, well, he continues to make it glaringly obvious.
Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful guesses, which are the thing that completes the circuit, thus adding but a fleeting modicum of value to my drawings. I consider Matthew Draws a conversation, an awkward dance between you and my pen. Thanks for giving this ungainly adolescent a chance to step away from the wall for just a moment and taste the thrill of the mirror ball.
“Why don’t you learn? Why isn’t there ANY progress? It’s been years. I can’t do it anymore.”
I wish I’d written that.
I was the person who guessed Kirstie Alley! Go me! Go you! I was so confident in your drawing abilities this week that they each warranted an “of course.” Of course. Keep it up, Matthew!
Adrian: I have printed out your comment and have added it to the huge bulletin board of affirming comments that people have written about my drawing abilities. There are now two affirming comments on the board. The other one is from my mom.
Elizabeth: You just did.