Matthew Draws 35 – The Answers

Good morning. This post is a day late, so let’s get right to it.

I gave you this fellow.

I think my drawing is excellent. EXCELLENT, I say. But did any of you reward my enthusiasm with a proper guess?

There was a definite theme…

Leonard Nimoy
John Travolta! (Though Jon Cryer is a possibility…)
John Travolta
Ummm. An Extra…Bad Dude #3 with helmet hair? I am 0 for 1.
Squinty McSquarechin
John Travolta in some acting role that required his chin cleft to be filled in with concrete?
No, the helmet hair doesn’t help at all. This is just your generic, maybe makes action movies, good-looking guy.
Stephen Seagal?
Looks like a athletic Leonard Nimoy. Not saying Leonard isn’t fit, but this guy looks heavier, but not in a fat kinda way.
Marky Mark. Or Spock.
Oh man – it’s not William Shatner but I don’t know who this is. I’m sorry I’m so lame.
Leonard Nimoy.
Mr. Spock, with his right ear on upside down, of course.
Leonard Nimoy

…unfortunately, it was the theme to a bad movie where everyone gets blown up by dark alien forces.

Although I am fond of going where no man has gone before, this is NOT, in fact, Leonard Nemoy.

This is Lance Armstrong.

Moving on, then…

Again, I felt optimistic, but less certain I had succeeded.

It is the lovely Emma Thompson.
Claire Danes
Toni Collette
I am 0 for 2.
Meredith Baxter Burney
Emma Thompson – with those wistful British eyes
Emma Thompson? (May she forgive me for this guess if she is an Idiots’Blog reader)
Emma Thompson
Marion Cotillard? (Again with the question marks. I feel so uncertain this week.)
Emma Thompson
Penelope Cruz?
Anna Chlumsky?? Emma Roberts?
Emma Thompson, right after rolling out of the sack
Emma Thompson (and very nicely drawn, btw

And, Lo! From the murky darkness there emerged a bright light that lit up the world and made everyone glad.

Clearly, I am no great judge of the quality of my own drawings. This is, in fact Emma Thompson. You people are so good for my self confidence.

Now we are entering that special, awful, treacherous space in which I attempt to depict the young and (supposedly) beautiful.

I can’t tell. My eyes keep moving away from her bad teeth and strong jaw to the wardrobe malfunction about to happen.
Kate Winslet
Pink?
Kelly osborne
Minnie Driver
She’s on the verge of a serious wardrobe malfunction. Otherwise = I am 0 for 3.
Pink
Pink? Though I don’t think of her dressing quite so glamorously!
I’m too distracted by the enormity of this person’s lower teeth to make a plausible guess. Hollywood must have broadened the standards of beauty for ingenues which I suppose is a good thing?
Portia De Rossi?
That ingenue needs some double sided tape and some gum surgery. But, I digress. Could it be … no. I don’t even know. I can’t.
Molly Ringwald
um …….
Kelly Osborne???
Jennifer Lawrence. Or that guy who played Jaws in that James Bond movie. So hard to tell.
Shailene Woodley

And, much to my dismay (if not surprise), not one of you correctly guessed that this is none other than Kate Upton.

And those are her upper teeth by the way.

I’m guessing that this fellow’s awesome mustache is going to have led at least a few of you to the right answer (though I’m guessing that an equal number of you will have guessed the other guy who has this mustache).

Let’s have a look.

As I suspected, it came down to a two-man race between Lionel Richie and Richard Pryor.

Oh that’s totally Richard Pryor. Totally.
Richard Pryor
Richard Pryor
Lionel Ritchie
Richard Pryor
Richard, thank you from making me strike out, Pryor.
Richard Pryor or the Swedish Chef
Lionel Richie. Boom!
Richard Pyror going to some formal event that required a tuxedo? because why else would Pryor wear a bow tie? But the hair, the ‘stache and the brows….
Richard Pryor
Richard Pryor!
Richard Pryor
Gene Shallitt?
Lionel Richie
RICHARD PRYOR! But he sure is worried about something.
Richard Pryor

And the Richard Pryor’s have it.

And now for my very favorite moment of any given week, the Matthew Draws bonus question. It is always at this moment when I realize that I am surrounded by smart, hilarious people. We Matthew Draws enthusiasts should start a club. Or a cabal. Who’s with me?

Here was this week’s question:

We will not ask you to write a limerick this week. You’re welcome. Instead, please expound on which of these people you feel would make the best babysitter for Matthew’s children. Matthew needs a night out!

Richard Pryor all the way, man. He would be amusing and not get stressed out by kids doing their thing. He would join in the fun. You may find that they didn’t eat a good dinner, but I can almost guarantee tired kids sleeping well that night. If they ever go to sleep.
Emma Thompson, of course! She’s got that ‘edgy Mary Poppins’ vibe
Ritchie!
John Travolta, because he can dance. Or, if desperate, he can break into his Vinnie Barbarino character!
Not Richard Pryor.
Emma, only Emma. Frightening political/ quasi-religious beliefs take John out of the running; a predilection for crack voids Richard’s chances; and, the ingenue’s blatant disregard for dental hygiene reduces her to an image best-suited for a “scared-straight” campaign to promote of teeth brushing.
Emma Thompson in her role as Nanny McPhee.
Well, they’d be quite safe with Stephen Seagal. And, my husband would want me to point out that he’s a deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. So, babysitter with law enforcement AND Hollywood experience. Win.
Natch, Richard Pryor
Uh, well, I don’t want any one of these persons of clearly questionable character to look after the Behr-Swanson babes. They have Iggy and that’s enough (think Nana in Peter Pan).
Lionel, because he’ll let them dance to “All Night Long” and jump on the beds until you come home, thus exhausting them into sleeping late.
Well, number 1 has the vulcan nerve pinch in his corner. Number 2 has the eye-rolling down. Number 3 has teeth that will throw fear into their hearts. And number 4 is watching his own back, which is a good move when you’re dealing with three kids. So, I’m going to have to go with an amalgam of all four.
Leonard Nemoy would be great a childcare. If the kids get out of line he could knock them out with the Vulcan neck pinch thing.

You people have given me some good ideas.

If only I were Vulcan, I could neck pinch my children to sleep each night. No wonder Spock was so calm.

If only Iggy were drawn by Disney animators, she might be a worthy guard dog.

If only I could draw better teeth, the young and beautiful might have a better chance of being recognizable.

Thank you, my friends, for another week of fun. If you haven’t yet picked up your copy of Matthew Draws Anthology, what are you waiting for? I depend on book revenue to buy the incredible volume of supplies it takes to make Matthew Draws happen, namely one black Uniball, one sheet of blank white paper, and one lifetime of failing to understand the nuances of dental structure.

These things are not free, my friends!