Once again it is time to humble myself and reveal the immeasurable gulf between the world as it is and my ability to render it with pen and paper. As is the custom, Robbi sent me the names of four people and I did my best to coax them forth onto the page. You fine people submitted your guesses, and the following is the verdict.

Let’s begin:

Pretty much all of you correctly identified Ronald McDonald, but thankfully the imaginative among you salted the apparently self-evident with a handful of colorful answers that bring just enough intrigue to balance out the boredom. As follows: Ronald of the McDonald family, Ronald Mackey Ro, Mickey D, ’ol Ronald McDonald, Ronald McDonald, aka, the boogeyman, Ronald McDonald Creepster, and Ronald McDonald, but he looks scary, like he’s about to kill somebody.

Notable incorrect guesses included Pennywise the Clown (from “IT”), and Heath Ledger from the Dark Knight.

As for my second attempt:

Every guesser correctly identified the subject of this drawing as an African American man, and all but a handful recognized him as Spike Lee. A few incorrect guesses included Reverend Jesse Jackson, Cornell West, Martin Luther King, Henry Louis Gates, Morgan Freeman, Malcom X, and “Blackmatthew.”

Wait just a moment: Blackmatthew?

Blackmatthew?

I feel compelled to say something here, to make a joke or contribute some commentary, but I am rendered stunned and silent. So I turn to Robbi to see if she is as baffled as I am. Her response, “Hmm…it kind of does look like you.”

And there you have it: me and Spike Lee, separated at birth. Clearly I should be making films instead of making books with Robbi.

And now for my third subject:

In keeping with my inability to draw people of the female persuasion, this drawing yielded the widest range of errant guesses. Although I’m heartened that about half of you correctly identified Angelina Jolie, there were a litany of wrong answers, many of which seemed to fall into the category of generally loathsome or troubled women.

For example, wrong answers included Janice Dickinson, Trashy Sarah Palin without her glasses on, Paris Hilton, Elvira, Jennifer Coolidge, Kiera Knightly, Shania Twain, Pamela Anderson, the blond girl from the B-52s, LaToya Jackson, Lindsay Lohan, a Real Housewife, and One of the Other Million Rich Sass.

Apologies to Shania, who is neither loathsome nor troubled as far as I know. And if you are confused about this “Rich Sass” business, you are not alone. I’m eager to hear what that means, if anyone knows.

Continuing the loathsome/troubled theme, one guesser, who must count him or herself among the therapist profession, suggested, “hmmm…mullet, crazy eyes, stripper outfit: My 3:00 patient?”

One of you who correctly identified Ms. Jolie qualified the guess by adding, “with an uneven boob job.” I must admit that I have so far proven terrible at rendering the female bust—especially when the subject in question is particularly blessed in this department. Along these lines, my very favorite guess in all of Matthew Draws V, though wrong, is “Amy Winehouse having a good hair day but a bad boob day.” Second place goes to “Lopsided boob behive hairdo lady.”

And that brings us to number four:

I am flattered that 100 percent of you correctly identified this fellow as former president Bill Clinton, though this did not keep some of you from indulging in colorful guessing. Thanks to those of you who blessed us with the following: Slick Willie!, Mr. Lewinsky, Hill’s Bill (in perkier, chubbier days), Someone who did not have sex with Monica Lewinsy, Good Old Bill That Horny Goat Clinton, and Sir Red Faced Drinkin’ Fatty Number 42.

Perhaps one of these will be inscribed upon his tomb.

All in all, I must conclude that Robbi needs to offer a stiffer challenge. Given my poor art skills, there were altogether too many correct answers. I think that she has been lobbing me softballs, and I hereby submit that it’s time for me to graduate to the fast pitch league. Not because I think my skill demands it, but because it would make for a more interesting contest.

Keep in mind that if you long to see my depiction of your favorite celebrity, you are welcome to email me. I’m happy to take requests.

Even if that request is that I never try to draw another buxom woman.