It’s Friday, so it’s time for my weekly humility check. Last week, I gave you four drawings. This week, I’ll give you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Shall we begin?

Here is subject #1. Take a good look.

She is not Billie Jean King, Hillary Clinton, Madonna, Martha Stewart, or Elizabeth Warren after a root canal. She is not “one of the Olson twins” Or Ozzy Osborne or Stephen King. Nor is she Garrison Keillor, “a celebrity tranny” or “McRib Sandwich.”

She is, as many of you correctly guessed, Diane Keaton.

Yes, this one goes down as a win for Matthew, by which I mean more than half of you guessed correctly.

Moving on then, to this fine fellow.

Let’s start with the missteps, as they are most revealing. He is not Andre the Giant. He is not Tim Curry. Nor is he Beethoven after breaking his jaw.

He is not David Hasselhoff or Doctor Who. He is neither Stephen Hawking nor “a constipated Lord Byron.”

He is not Frederick Douglass. He is not “the 4th doctor.”

He is not Mr. Darcy.

Strangely, the same person who suggested he might be Richard Pryor also thought he might be Beethoven. I’m pretty sure the two have never previously been mistaken for one another.  

He is not “the love Child of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Jay Leno.”

Instead, he is, as four of you guessed, Benedict Cumberbatch, otherwise known as Sherlock Holmes.

Back to the ladies for a moment.

She is not Chloe Moretz, Not Ellen Page. Not Emma Stone. She is not Jennifer Lawrence. She is not “Jessica Biel with a bad botox job.”

Not Lindsay Lohan (though many of you wanted her to be).

Not Pippi Longstocking with her hair down.

Not Laura Prepon. Not Xena, Warrior Princess.

No, indeed. She is Lucy Liu, as only three of you knew.

Clearly I have to start spending more time with Asian women.

And bringing up the rear, I gave you this fine fellow.

Here there was little agreement amongst you.  Guesses ran the gamut from Ben Affleck to James Franco to Hugh Jackman to Mel Gibson to Matthew McCaunughey. We had a small group of Robert Pattinson supporters, including guesses that included “Robert Pattinson in his ‘bloated Elvis’ years” and “the Twilight guy after several root canals.”

He is not Abe Lincoln. He is not a “drunkenly suspicious Brad Pitt.”

I actually think you Robert Pattinson folks were closer to the mark than I was.

But thankfully, one discerning reader (or reckless guesser) among you correctly identified Russell Crowe. 

Which means that one week removed from a Matthew Draws in which NOT ONE OF YOU guessed EVEN ONE of my drawings correctly, each one of this week’s portraits found a home in at least one of your hearts. Which makes me feel glad. And inspired to keep drawing.

But before I return to my monklike industry, let’s spend a moment reviewing your answers to the bonus questions, which was:

If you had to get a root canal from one of these people, who would it be, and why?

Here are a few of my favorites.

Beethoven, because the muzak would be great. 

Lindsay Lohan. She would provide the best drugs.

Madonna, because I’m like a root canal virgin.

Beethoven, because it would require a time machine, and that would be cool.

Martha Stewart, because her anesthesia would taste like turkey.

Not Robert Pattinson—he’d drink my blood while I was drugged. And Beethoven couldn’t hear my screams of agony.

Ben Affleck, because I’d be happy to have any part of him in my mouth.

Diane Keaton, because I like a dentist that has the sense to wear a necktie and a vest. 

You people are funny. Thanks for making my job so easy.

Tune in next Friday for four more drawings. I have already selected my victims.