Like all you guys out there, I get a lot of requests for affection. Mostly they come from young Ukranian girls, via email, in the wee hours, with lots and lots of spelling errors. Like most of you guys out there, I ignore these requests, because I’m not so easily bought. I require a bit more romancing.

But today I got an email that raised the stakes. The message was so personal, so persuasive, and so very, very weird. I must share it with you, admittedly at risk of giving you the chance to claim Karla for yourself.

Matthew ???

Been on here before and now I am back. Hit me up and well see what goes on. I want something serious Dont hit me up otherwise. The need to know: singer. hello kitty. Purple. NY giants. Hair diva. Kik: surrahlukes Instagram surrahlukes

Karla Hellstram

Don’t get me wrong. I like Robbi a lot. We’ve got a good thing going. But I can’t remember the last time she asked me what I thought of Hello Kitty.

And I wonder how she knew I was a hair diva? I consider this one of my best-kept secrets.

Also (please help me here): What do you make of “Kik: surrahlukes?” I can’t tell whether Karla is too young and hip for me or too intelligent and hip for me or too drunk and hip for me.

Still, I get the sense that we’re meant to be together. But I don’t know how to play it. Clearly, I can’t hit her up unless I want something serious. How do I know if this is real? After all, she might be a NY Giants fan (=deal breaker).  

Suggestions are welcome.