A few weeks ago, a colleague sent around an email asking if anyone would like to buy some Yankee Candle products in order to support her son’s school. We are generally in favor of education, and so we agreed. We were provided with a list of products to consider. Naturally, I chose the lip balm, and Robbi ordered something having to do with flowers. I didn’t pay much attention. The point was supporting the school, not the products themselves.

That all changed when said products arrived. Never have I been so delighted with fundraiser schwag.

Let us start with the lip balm. I had figured that Yankee-branded lip balm would be outrageously scented, and that the experience of balming one’s lips would resemble an afternoon stroll through a lush pine forest or a relaxing journey through the center of a peach. What I could not have anticipated was that the balm would arrive in tiny Yankee Candle-shaped crocks!

Truly the world is a magnificent place. As I type, my lips are glistening and my nostrils are awash with the rich aroma of vanilla cupcake.

But what if I were to tell you that Robbi’s selection utterly trumped mine? As a writer, it shames me to admit it, but I simply cannot describe how I felt when I first beheld the Sensational Pansy Saddlebag.

I would say that the saddlebag is sensational, but that would be redundant. Did I mention that mixed pansy seeds are included? Or that this sucker will thrive in a range of conditions from “full sun to partial shade”? Let’s just say, things are about to get a lot more exciting in the barn. And a lot better smelling.

Where would we be without schools in need of funds?

In addition to moist lips and floral enhancement, this whole Yankee experience has exposed me to my new favorite insult. The next time one of you crosses me, be prepared to be called a “Pansy Saddle.”

Consider yourself warned.