To recap:

1) Earlier this afternoon, I lost patience with my facial hair.

2) I did something about it.

Following the initial shear, the feedback flowed in on this site, via Facebook, through email, and from across the room (Robbi and Tilly were emotionally traumatized).

3) I ventured forth, seeking new definitions of sublime.

Apparently, Robbi is ready to revoke our marriage license and will sell me to the highest bidder. Personal checks and PayPal transactions are both ok.