Reader, we are on to you. Robbi has been auctioning original artwork for 11 weeks now, and we are beginning to understand what you’re really interested in. While the stunning, inventive, and admittedly strange “Going to Seed” sold for less than $20,
the playful, straightforward, and admittedly cute “Don’t Land on Me” fetched a whopping $150.
In general, bidders have been pleased by images featuring animals (be they giraffes, penguins, herons, or skiing zombie bunnies), and less keen on those featuring people (be they Elvis impersonators, men on motorcycles, or women with weeds growing out of their shoulders). Shrewd businessman that I am, I counseled Robbi to draw another cute animal for this week’s auction—perhaps something irresistible like a hamster or a baby ginger monkey.
For those of you who don’t know Robbi, she is a stubborn, willful thing—defiant, churlish, and almost hostile to reason. She drew a very cute picture of a furry woodland animal and then tore it up to spite me. She drew another and then crumpled it into a little ball, which she then burned.
And then she drew this, a lovely scene of a solitary cabin on a distant hill, a place I dream of spending empty afternoons.
But true to form, fickle reader, you show no interest in these works of integrity.
If I have my way, next week’s auction will feature an animal of such sickening cuteness that you will be compelled to empty your bank accounts or participate in a tag-team cage fight in order to obtain it. For now, you may join my sister Andy and the ever-faithful chronos3667 (thank you, ever-faithful chronos3667) in the slightly less epic battle for House on a Hill. At the moment, it can be yours for $6.00.
You’re quite welcome. :-)
-chronos3667
Chronos3667 and Andy: Thank you. You are noble and good.
The rest of you: all it took was an uber-cute picture of a spider monkey to soften your hearts and make you bid? We’re already up to $36! Post more pictures of monkeys, Matthew! More monkeys!
Don,
Thank you for identifying yourself. For some time, now, Robbi and I have been speculating about the identity of the mysterious chronos3668, who seems to be the first bidder out of the gate for every auction. We have been gratified by your consistent devotion, and we are relieved to know that chronos3667 is not, in fact, Angelina Jolie, as we have often supposed.
Matthew
Robbi,
You embarrass me. The monkey in my post is a BABY GINGER MONKEY, not a SPIDER MONKEY, which can be seen here:
http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/staticfiles/NGS/Shared/StaticFiles/animals/images/primary/black-spider-monkey.jpg
Baby Ginger Monkey = mad bidding.
Spider Monkey = six more weeks of winter.
This is why I am the director of marketing.
I love this art piece. But someone must really love it more than me, someone whose highest bid is higher than mine!
Ahhh well, I’ll just have to wait for one of the cute animals.
Anna – I greatly appreciate your effort. Once everyone has recovered from the effects of the baby ginger monkey, I will try posting something that isn’t a cute animal for you.
Matthew – yike. Spider monkey does not equal baby ginger monkey. Sorry about that. I am duly chastised.
I am far from Angelina Jolie – which, for me, is a good thing. Since I’m a man and she’s a woman, for starters. And I almost didn’t reveal myself, because I kind of wanted to keep the mystery alive; perhaps I did the wrong thing? But yes, chronos3667 is me, and is a combination of my favorite Incarnation from the Piers Anthony “Incarnations of Immortality” series (a must read!) and my name – Don S. – spelled out on a standard telephone keypad.
And, not that you asked, but I love the baby ginger monkey. The spider monkey was terrifying, and I may now have nightmares.
Don – Holy Crap! Incarnations of Immortality was my favorite series! I wrote a paper on Piers Anthony in 10th grade! I sent him some questions and he actually wrote back (I recently found the handwritten letter in a box of old papers and whatnot)! I actually thought you were another of my friends because of the Chronos thing! Well, I must go back and read those books again! On a Pale Horse was definitely my favorite! How do you like all these exclamation points?!
I LOVE Incarnations of Immortality!!! I can’t believe he wrote back to you – I am more than jealous. I discovered the series completely accidentally in college and have read it at least 6 times, if not far more. On a Pale Horse is my favorite book in the series, but Chronos is the Incarnation that I would be, if I could be one. And did you know that he published an 8th one in the series a few years ago? Under a Velvet Cloak, I believe it’s called.
And – I love the exclamation points too. I’m generally a fan of all punctuation.
i, for one, like the weedy women best. i’m just terrified of ebay.