I’ve recently been craving cake. Delicious, moist, chocolatey cake. To quote one of Alden’s favorite lines from one of her favorite books, a “lovely light luscious delectable cake”. I actually had a very particular cake in mind, a chocolate cherry custard delight that my host mother in Germany used to make called “Donauwellen Cake”. Oh it is so delicious! Vanilla cake marbled with chocolate cake sprinkled with sour cherries layered with custard topped with chocolate. It was my favorite. And I had lots of delicious cakes while I was in Germany. No joke. LOTS.

Though I had gotten the recipe from my host mom when I left 18 years ago (ACK!) it was all in grams and metric, so I never actually tried making it, and now it is lost somewhere in a box full of Germanabilia. So, I went online and searched for a recipe. The picture on allrecipes.com looked right (lace doily and all).

So I went to it. I mixed the cake batter and spread it into the 13″x18″ cookie tray (the kind with edges) that the recipe called for (though I was snidely skeptical while I did it. This couldn’t possibly be the way one made this cake). It didn’t occur to me to document this momentous event until I got to the cherry-dropping part.

After cherry-dropping, one has to bake the cake and let it cool before putting on the custard layer.

And so we waited.

And waited.

(I never actually told Iggy that she wouldn’t be getting any cake, poor girl.)

Finally, everything was cool and we could get to the custard. Making custard is one of my least favorite things to do, because I never successfully make it without it getting burnt and making everything taste like an ashtray. So I went the easy route and used an alternate custard made out of pudding.

It went on smooth. And was delicious.

The custard then had to cool completely in the fridge before putting the chocolate topping on. I somehow managed to clear a shelf in the fridge (which promptly ignited a campaign to clear the fridge, and we are now not allowed to go shopping again until everything in the fridge has been eaten – I’ll let you know how that goes).

Unfortunately, I neglected to check the clearance on the condiment shelf in the refrigerator door.

I actually have a photo of Matthew licking the custard off of the door, but it is so disgusting I can’t even put it up here.

So then it was wait wait wait. I had to wait so long I fell asleep and didn’t get back to it until the next morning. Which was all about melting chocolate and mixing it with butter. How bad can that be?

Not bad at all.

Kato and Alden were very attentive while I poured the chocolate layer out onto the cake.

I thought they were trying to learn the ways of the amazing baking german Hausfrau, but apparently they were just waiting like hawks to get their spoons into action.

Alden at least had the decency to use a utensil that had already been dirtied.

All that was left was making the “waves” in the top of the cake, and then putting it back in the fridge to cool.

It looked just about right. I could barely contain myself for the twenty minutes it took for the chocolate to set.

And then… it was finally time to have some cake! I have to say, it looked pretty good.

But the taste – the taste!

The taste, was, actually, not so good.

Matthew made a face that was even worse than this one, but I couldn’t take the photo because of the stinging of the tears in my eyes.

It was terrible. It couldn’t be helped with milk. Or ice cream. The custard, cherries and chocolate were good, but the cake tasted like chalk. I looked over the recipe and don’t think I missed anything. Matthew looked over the recipe and agreed. This was not how this story was supposed to end.

It actually would have ended with a photo of me throwing it into the trash if Dad hadn’t come over and felt sorry for it and taken it home to eat in small bites with lots of ice cream.

And so, I am recommending that no one follow the recipe for Donauwellen cake on allrecipes.com.
It.
Was.
BAD.

Also, Nina, ps if you are reading this, please send me the actual recipe if you have it. I will suffer those metrics to have just one more bite of the real thing.