On a mad binge of movie-watching over the weekend, we burned through our Netflix holdings and had to go to the local Movie Gallery for backup. Imagine our surprise when we pulled up in our car and saw this banner hanging in the window.

The idea was shocking. In our experience, kids are not only expensive, but rather hard to come by. Who knew that they could simply be obtained for no cost at the Chestertown Movie Gallery? Robbi was elated.

But then her mood turned suddenly as she had an unpleasant realization. It was, in fact, utterly unfair that people were getting free kids willy-nilly at the Movie Gallery when she had been forced to endure nine long months of gestational discomfort not once, but twice.

We went inside and picked a few movies. We also scanned the rack of free kids and considered several potential candidates before ultimately deciding to hold off for the time being. Though still a shade shy of 19 pounds, Alden will, at some point, presumably, grow. And Tarzan’s predicted emergence is a mere 11 days distant.

We like free stuff as much as the next guy, but we’re out of room at the inn.

As D-Day approaches, we’ve been trying hard to help Alden understand the degree of upheaval that’s heading her way, but beyond pointing enthusiastically at Mount Robbi and saying “Baby! Baby!” in enthusiastic tones, she hasn’t seemed to grasp the concept. Until today. Today, all of a sudden, in the pint-sized pea coat section of Baby Gap, I think she finally understood.

And, friends, it wasn’t pretty.