This year the loot under the tree was heavily weighted towards Alden. This comes as no surprise, since Matthew and I only got into the holiday spirit in time enough to purchase each other dental floss and foam earplugs and the like (thanks, Rite-Aid!). There was, however, one present under the tree that I’m not sure belongs to any of us. It was a small, hastily-wrapped packet with this tag on it:

along with this photograph:

Now – many of you may not recognize me from my glory days of fourth grade, but try as I might to forget those days, I was able to pick myself out of the line-up. This photo was evidently from a [heavy-hitting] Kent County News article about the winners of the D.A.R. essay contest titled “We, The Youth of America”. It seems mom recently found it in what must have been the Bin Full of Things to Embarrass Your Children With (I’ve already gotten a good start on Alden’s). I think I won $20, which was an inconceivable amount of money for me at the time. My father insisted that I decline the award and the $20 because he had helped me write it. He made me go to the principal and everything. Luckily, the principal really was a princiPAL because he was like “everybody’s dad helps them write essays, just let the frickin’ kid win something for once”. And so I got to go to the award ceremony held at the American Legion and collect my awesome check.

However, the question still remains whether this gift was actually for me or whether it was for Amy or Alison (fellow prize-winners) or Mrs. and Mrs. D.A.R. (presenters) who are also in this photo. I would not want to be depriving the rightful recipient of the gift, but I have to say, I’m afraid Alden has already laid some claim to it:

So – if any of you (Amy, Alison, or Mrs. and Mrs. D.A.R.) had “red spatula” on your wish list for this year, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line. I will try to wrest your gift from the pincer grip of my greedy little daughter’s hands.